A well-made speech for the losing player

I was reading the latest edition of Jon Wertheim’s Tennis Mailbag and one of the readers sent a “speech template.” This time, the speech is from the side of a tennis player who lost the match. This simply cracked me up.

Here’s the entry from a certain Ken Schneck from Vermont:

<acknowledging applause> Thanks. First to <insert winner’s name>. You were just too good for me today. You really deserved to win. To my family over there and my friends who have been texting me all week, I couldn’t have made it this far without your support <pan camera to nodding mother>. To my coach, I promise I’ll listen to you more <insert awkward audience chuckle as camera pans to coach’s forced smile>. And finally to the fans, you are the greatest fans in the world <huge applause from stadium>. Thank you for coming out all week. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more of a show today <gets choked up as she thinks of the 2nd set>, but I hope to be back next year and go one step further. Thank you. <skulks away>

Now that’s something you can memorize during practice sessions!